Conflict and Violence in Premarital Relationship Essay Example for Free

Conflict and Violence in Premarital Relationship Essay Incidence of conflicts and violence in premarital relationship seems to happen regularly. This research paper discusses the many possible reasons that would cause someone to become a victim or perpetrator in premarital relationships. A root cause of premarital violence is in childhood experiences. Individuals develop a certain relationship style based on their childhood experiences that influences how they behave in close relationships. Childhood emotional trauma causes children to develop insecure relationship style that produces adults with many emotional and psychological issues such as depression and anger. These styles are termed: the secure, the avoidant, the ambivalent and the disorganized relationship style. Children learn to communicate and interact with others through observing the way their manage conflicts parents. Conflicts occur often, mainly due to the lack of communication skills between couples and individual insecurities. Uncontrolled and unmanaged conflicts can cause one or both partners lose control, and quite often, the heated conflict ends in violence. Introduction Conflicts that arise in premarital relationships may be due to both dyadic and individual problems. These conflicts often lead to violence in relationships. The way someone reacts to lifes problems or issues is rooted in the way he or she is raised and his or her childhood experiences. The term premarital used throughout this paper refers to only a male-female relationship. The terms such as courtship, dating relationships, also refers to the entire scope of heterosexual dating behavior, from casual dating through engagement and/or cohabitation. A premarital relationship is defined as any romantic love relationship involving a male and a female before marriage or outside of marriage. The essence of romance is characterized by a marked physical attraction, strong emotional attachment between the partners, and a tendency for each to idealize the other (Waller ; Hill, 1951). Premarital relationships in this research paper includes anyone from as young as high school students to seniors. Conflicts Lead to Violence Conflict in premarital relationships can be defined as a disagreement, a quarrel or dispute, or a discord of action or feeling. According to Tim Clinton (2006), there are three levels of relationship dispute which are termed renegotiation, impasse or dissolution. Level one (renegotiation) involves someone who is angry and bickers about his or her differences and who is governed by fears and anger. Level two (impasse) is where both individuals begin to disengage emotionally from each other and no longer confide or trust each other. Level three (dissolution) is where couples eventually reach a point where they completely cut themselves off emotionally from each other (Clinton 2006). Violence in premarital relationships include acts that involves any force that is unjust, rough or injurious to another person. Henton et al. (1983), reported several types of violent behaviors such as pushing, grabbing or shoving, slapping and kicking, biting or hitting with the fist. Relationship violence involves both the victimized and the perpetrator. When a conflict gets out of hand and escalates, one or both partners lose control, and quite often the heated conflict ends in violence (Lloyd et al. , 1989). Alarmingly, violence in courtship seems to happen regularly between 1 in 3 and 1 in 2 college students and 1 in 10 high school students experience violence as victims or perpetrators (Cate et al. , 1982; Laner ; Thompson, 1982; Makepeace, 1981; Roscoe ; Callahan, 1985; Rouse et al. , 1988; Stets ; Straus, 1989). The ability of premarital partners to overlook, forgive, or ignore negative interaction that is even encouraged and supported by peer groups is due to the power of romance (Lloyd, 1991). Individual and Childhood Problems Childhood experiences have a lasting effect on people according to the Social Learning Theory. Exposure to violence during childhood makes individuals more prone to be involved in a violent intimate relationship. The witnessing of violence in the family of origin links to violent experience and perpetration in premarital relationships Gover et al. (2008) explored the association between exposure to violence in the family of origin and subsequent physical violence and psychological abuse in dating relationship. Dating violence victimization and perpetration, has been linked to exposure to violence during early childhood. Gover et al. 2008) termed this hypothesis intergenerational transmission of violence, where exposure to violence during childhood is related to subsequent involvement in violent intimate relationships (p. 1668). The hypothesis explains how dating violence is more likely in people that experienced child abuse or witnessed parental violence. The study looked at the interpersonal violence between dating partners in several ways by using large sample of male and female college students to comprehensively examine the intergenerational transmission of violence hypothesis. Women are more often victimized than men. The study by Gover et al. , showed that childhood abuse is associated with the likelihood of dating violence victimization among females but not males. The results showed a correlation between childhood violence victimization and physical violence perpetration in a dating relationship, which supported the intergenerational transmission of violence hypothesis. They also concluded that there is a significant relationship between physical dating violence victimization for women who were exposed to paternal perpetrated abuse. Witnessing violence between parents does not have as much of a significant impact on dating violence perpetration in comparison to female exposure to paternal perpetrated abuse. Child abuse is related to dating violence victimization and perpetration especially among males; women are more likely to become victimized rather than the perpetrator according to some studies. Child abuse involves psychological abuse, emotional neglect, sexual abuse, exposure to severe marital conflict and addictive behavior (Clinton, 2006). According to the Gover et al. tudy, violence victimization and perpetration are experienced by those who witnessed one parent hit the other parent and experienced childhood abuse at higher rates in dating relationships in comparison to those who were not exposed to violence during childhood. Ones childhood relationships are very important because they shape the chemical processes in the brain that determine how someone controls his or her impulses, calm or strong emotions and develop memories in their early family life. Tim Clinton (2006) believes that everyone develops relationship rules, which determines their relationship style from childhood. He described four relationship styles in his book, Why You Do the Things You Do: The Secret to Healthy Relationships; the secure, the avoidant, the ambivalent and the disorganized relationship style. The underlying reason why people do the things they do is their relationship style or their attachment style. Special relationship, bond, or connection with another person that is characterized by strong emotions and continues through time is what Clinton (2006) refers to as attachment. A persons relationship style is determined by the interactions between a mother and her infant over time. These interactions teach her child certain relationship rules, which are core beliefs about one self and others. These core beliefs may not always be fully conscious to the individual, but they influence the behavior of everyone in a powerful way, such as the tendencies to act violently or easily become a victim in premarital relationships. Insecure relationship styles, the avoidant, the ambivalent and the disorganized relationship style are most likely to experience relational conflicts more often than those with secure relationship style. Children learn how to manage conflict from watching the way their parents work out their disagreements. A childs security is also threatened when he sees his parents in screaming matches, physical struggles or violence (Clinton, 2006). An individual with a disorganized relationship style is at a high risk to fall into deep depression because this person has been borderline depressed and anxious throughout life. Events such as job loss, conflict with a friend, financial struggles can cause him or her to sink rapidly into serious depression. Those with poor mental health outcomes such as anxiety, depression, reduced self-esteem, stress, and various physical health consequences, have been involved in a violent relationship (Gibb et al. , 2004; Messman-Moore et al. , 2000). The potential for violence can be linked to someone who has developed a disorganized relationship style. Children who develop a disorganized relationship style have been traumatized by their own parents, who were both a source and the solution to their fears and anxieties. This simply means that these children had no solution or safe haven for them. As a result, these children become emotionally disorganized and fragmented during stressful times (Clinton, 2006). There are two sources of stress that influence individuals or couples; positive events that comes with a challenge and negative events that comes with threat and harm or loss. There are contradicting studies of dating violence, and the role that stress plays in premarital love relation conflict is not yet clear. Men and women may react differently to stress according to OLearys (1998) theoretical formulation of spouse aggression. Wethington et al. (1987) reported that research on acute stressors shows that males and females are similar in the number of undesirable events experienced, but that males seem more emotionally affected. Therefore, if there is a relationship between stress and violence, it might be greater for males than females (Marshall Rose, 1990). Marshall and Rose (1990) conducted a study to test the influence of stress on relationship conflicts and violence. They found that positive stress contributed to males recent expression of violence, (p. 61). The reason why positive stress but not negative stress, contributed to males expression of violence is unclear according to Marshal and Rose (1990). This finding is contrary to previously similar studies done by other researchers, however, this contrast may be due to the fact that Marshal and Rose allowed the observers, rather than the respondents to classify the direction of stress impact, whether they are positive or negative. Stress is a secondary emotional reaction, when someone tries to repress primary emotions such as fear or pain due to life issues (Clinton, 2006). An individual who has an avoidant relationship style tends to be narcissistic who can easily become even more self-absorbed under stress. Possibilities for conflicts would increase dramatically for these types of individuals because when they receive negative feedback, for instance, they become angry and contemptuous, (Kindle Locations 1522-1526). This kind of behavior brings constant or more frequent conflicts under stressful times for both individuals. Dyadic Problems In premarital relationships, mutual admiration and devotion exist between couples, especially when they move towards a deeper level of commitment. In contrast to these qualities, most couples were found to be in mutual combat because more than two-thirds of one sample reported reciprocal violence (Carte et al. , 1982). Some individuals, whose perception of dating is one of a carefree experience to be enjoyed or to just have a good time, approach their problems by using their partners as targets to physically act out feelings of anger, confusion and jealousy (Henton et al. 1983). A study done by Henton et al. (1983) assessed the incidence and context of the use of violence in high school relationship because the first experiences in forming intimate relationships occur for many individuals during high school. He found that a significant number of high school students have experienced premarital violence in one or more relationships. In 71. 4% of high school relationships where violence occurred, it was found that the pattern of abuse was reciprocal, where each partner had been both the victim and aggressor at some point in time. The remaining 28. 6 %, four patterns were identified; male abuser only, female abuser only, abused male and abused female. Most individuals remained in violent relationships because they felt that they have significantly fewer alternatives than those who terminated such relationships. Individual tends to tolerate or have a more positive attitude towards premarital violence if they have been involved in abusive relationships than those who were involved in non-abusive relationships (Henton et al. 1983). This finding in this study suggests that the occurrence of premarital violence is because of dyadic problems rather than solely a result of individual characteristics. One suggestion as to why victims had a more positive attitude towards violence may be because victims of violence may have become addicted to such trauma. The brain releases chemicals called endogenous opioids, natural painkillers that are the brain’s equivalent to heroin whenever someone is under extreme stress. The stress of relationship violence could easily cause victims to become addicted to the drug. For someone to withdraw from that drug would be similar to breaking a drug addiction. Increasing the difficulty is the fact that the withdrawal symptoms parallel the nightmare of the traumatized person: emptiness, tension, irritability, and an internal sense of unrest, (Clinton, 2006, Kindle Locations 2131-2137). The person may return to the trauma and its â€Å"morphine,† in order to relieve the symptoms. Another way addiction to trauma can develop is fear of the unknown Clinton, 2006, Kindle Locations 2131-2137. The state of ones emotional wellbeing is a factor that influences how couples handle conflicts and whether they are prone to violence or foster safety. Emotion, according to Clinton (2006), is The physical, gut-felt responses that fuel our behavior and motivate us to act, (Kindle Locations 4310-4311). Emotions are what motivate someone to seek closeness during times of stress and therefore, they are very important in relationships. Specific emotional components such as positive affective tone, listening and understanding, and self-disclosure, protect premarital relationships from violence (Prager Buhrmester, 1998). Those individuals who did not develop a secure relationship style as termed by Tim Clinton (2006) foster many kinds of negative emotions because of insecurities they developed from childhood. Individuals with the ambivalent relationship style tend to be anxious, melodramatic or angry. These individuals would be prone to violence in their dating relationships. Swett and Marcus (2002) explored the issues about couples emotional dynamics and violence. A group of upper-level undergraduates were asked a number of questions about their current relationship, about the duration of their relationships, number of times in previous relationships they had physical fights and the severity of injury they had suffered as a result (Swett Marcus, 2002). The findings of the study support the importance of the intimacy components of positive affective tone and listening and understanding in reducing dyadic violence. The quality of emotional interactions is a factor that influences violent tendencies in premarital relationships. Positive emotions that involve positive affective tone and listening and understanding, can inhibit violence in relationship, and therefore serve as protections against violence (Swett Marcus, 2002). Unhealthy communication leads to conflicts, it prevents couples from being able to talk through their feelings. Tim Clinton (2006), talks about four kinds of unhealthy communication, in his book, he explained how criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling are all forms of unhealthy communication. Criticism comes in a form of questioning that implies that the other person has a character flaw, for example, why do you always do that? You never do what you say youre going to do. I just cant count on you for anything, (Kindle Locations 775-776). Defensiveness is a reaction against a criticism causing retaliation, for example, â€Å"What do you mean I never do what I say? How many times have you not come through when I needed you to help me out with the kids? You don’t help. You just whine and complain that things don’t happen according to your schedule! † (Kindle Locations 778-779). Contempt comes when criticism and defensiveness intensifies, derogatory remarks, put-downs and extreme distress result. For example, some one who is in contempt might say something like this, â€Å"You make me sick! You never do what you say you’ll do. You’re a big talker, just like your mother, but you never follow through. I’ve grown used to not being able to rely on you, so I’ll just do everything myself—like always. † (Kindle Locations 782-784). Stonewalling results from a high intensity of contempt, causing a person to shut down and stop participating in conversation by walking out of the room or stare off into space. These behaviors can increase the other person’s rage and spark another round of criticism. Kindle Locations 785-787). People with insecure relationship styles would be at a higher risk of relationship violence victimization and or perpetration. Conclusion Although squabbles are a necessary part of every couples growth together, when carefully managed or regulated, is a building block for a healthy relationship, one that is vibrant and thriving (Clinton, 2006). People who are at less risk for relationship violence victimization and perpetration are most likely to possess a secure relationship style. These people are confident in their identity, their effectiveness in the world and trust others. This allows them to have a healthy way of interacting with and relating to people. Secure people are emotionally strong, willing to seek and accept comfort from others, courageous about love and intimacy, and responsible for themselves,(Kindle Location 4337). There are many other factors that potentially increase the chances for individuals to have a healthy love relationship with another person. Individuals, who have higher attachment to his or her parents during childhood, were less likely to be responsible for dating violence (Chapple Hope, 2003). Religious institutions were found to be a protective factor for potential violence dating relationship. Students reporting more church attendance were less likely to be involved in a violent dating relationship (Coker et al. , 2000; Gover, 2004). Conflicts often arise because of the lack of communication skills and resolution skills. Couples should learn to talk openly and honestly about our feelings, both positive and negative ones. A healthy form of communication can develop this way between couples. It will help them avoid unnecessary conflicts that can eventually escalate to violence.

Contradictory Impulses in Chopin’s The Awakening Essay -- Chopin Awake

Contradictory Impulses in Chopin’s The Awakening â€Å"Edna Pontellier could not have told why, wishing to go to the beach with Robert, she should in the first place have declined, and in the second place have followed in obedience to one of the two contradictory impulses that impelled her. A certain light was beginning to dawn dimly within her,--the light which, showing the way, forbids it,† (Chopin 34). The possibility of a life beyond the scope of motherhood, social custom, standards of femininity, and wifedom characterize Kate Chopin’s vision of her heroine’s awakening, but Edna’s personal growth remains stifled by her inability to reconcile the contradictory impulses pulling her in different directions. Edna clearly envisions herself somewhere between mother-goddess figure Adele Ratignolle and the artist-spinster Mademoiselle Reisz, yet can not seem to negotiate a space that affords the luxury of love unspoiled by self-sacrifice and obligation. Edna’s â€Å"soul† surfaces when she allows herself to act on impulse over duty, but as Chopin’s words reveal, Mrs. Pontellier blindly fol...

Alumni tracking system Essay

Websites become more ubiquitous. It gives universal access to a large universe of documents. â€Å"Through the help of World Wide Web (WWW) and websites, internet has become very useful in many ways for a common man. It brought the globe in a single room right from the news across the world to the wealth of information it offers† as noted from Kaiz Karen (2009) in her article about â€Å"10 Common Uses of Internet†.[1] These information are generated by multiple sources and organized into files when formed together can be called a website. â€Å"A website, also written as web site, or simply site, is a set of related web pages typically served from a single web domain. A website is hosted on at least one web server, accessible via a network such as the Internet or a private local area network through an Internet address known as a Uniform Resource Locator (URL). All publicly accessible websites collectively constitute the Web†. [2] There are numerous sites that can be used for finding and connecting people that we have lost touch with. Reconnecting with these people in this way is perhaps the only avenue we have in some cases. Alumni are probably one of the most important constituent of a school institution. â€Å"They create the university’s reputation, which relies in large part on how successful graduates are in the real world. This process is self-feeding as well. If a school becomes well known for producing graduates  that are intelligent, innovative, and effective in their fields, then its reputation will grow.†[3] â€Å"Colleges track their graduates because they need them to continue to show interest. Not only are college alumni a pool of potential individual donors, they are also a testament to the value of a continued association with the school.†[4]Hence, it is not easy to keep track students once they graduated. And with the steady increase in the number of college graduates, employment opportunities become very competitive. Therefore, graduates find it hard to get jobs suitable with their skills and acquired knowledge. Purpose and Description To provide a systematic method to monitor and track the level of engagement and satisfaction the alumni body has for Aces Polytechnic College. Survey will provide more than a simple percentage satisfied, it will provide diagnostic information about what is driving satisfaction and engagement, where there are strengths and weaknesses, and what level of engagement the alumni are reporting. The data would be broken down and analyzed by segment (class year, geographic location, activity level, etc.). On an on-going basis (biennially), this measurement tool will provide Aces Polytechnic College and the Alumni Association with a solid, fact-based means of identifying where progress is being made and where deficiencies need to be addressed. Method: Online survey conducted by sending an email invitation to email addresses of Aces Polytechnic College alumni. Rather than expend resources to develop a survey tool, this system will help the institution on gathering information from the alumni’s employment records that would also help the institution to acquire scholarships from the Commission of Higher Education. Identifying trends and motivators will help target programming and communications more effectively, deepening the level of engagement with alumni. Sharing this data with administrators, faculty, and other staff across campus will help in the effort to increase awareness of, and build support for, alumni engagement efforts. (2013, 07). Alumni Tracking System. Objective of the Project To enable graduate students register alumni via website. To enable graduate students share an activity and information regarding their alumni. Process/print out necessary report. This project also comes with administrator site management system. The advantages of administrator site are: 1. Easy for administrator to key-in data regarding alumni activities and information. 2. Data entered by alumni member are easily managed and intended for data analysis process. 3. Let the information spread between alumni member and the school. Scope and Limitation of the Project Online Monitoring System for the Employment Status of ACES Graduates is a website that can be access by the alumni of ACES Polytechnic College where they will be updated about the school, programs and announcements with regards to the school and its alumni. The system will not just help improve the relationship of the school to its graduates but also will lessen the work of the Guidance Councilor in monitoring the employment status of its graduates which is needed to be reported to TESDA and make it more updated because of its accessibility. The process started when user browse into Alumni Registration page. When the connection is established the main menu will appear. User can make selection between these four menus; news and job, registration menu, member search menu and the last one was update profile menu. In the registration menu, the user will start to fill their personal details like name, address, password, contact number, occupation and year of graduation and etc. Password is used to update the profile in profile update menu. If the registration is success, the data (personal details) will be stored in database. If it fails, user must enter the data back accordingly to ensure the registration is succeeded. To search for existing member, user can choose member search menu and they must key-in at least 2 characters, the result like name, phone number and address will come out if the user existed in database. The other menu will let user to read recent news and job vacancy regarding their  alumni. References: 1. Karen, K. 2009. 10 Most Common Uses of the Internet. http://ezinearticles.com/?10-Most-Common-Uses-of-the-Internet&id=3086972 2. Website  Ã¢â‚¬â€œ Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Website. Retrieved 2014-08-12. 3. The  Importance  of  Alumni  Relations – Supporting  Education. www.supportingeducation.org/2013/01/10/importance-alumni-relations/. Retrieved 2014-08-12. http://prezi.com/qaby0xga8u-d/alumni-tracking-system-of/

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